Jake’s behaviour was distressing from his first day in our class.

From trashing the classroom to attacking other students, there was a lot going on.

However, our biggest challenge was the behaviour that was connection seeking.

Jake would seek connection often in a negative way due to previous experience. Which you may have heard called ‘attention seeking behaviour’. His most extreme way of connection seeking was by drawing pictures of different ways he would kill me. Whilst this was unacceptable and uncomfortable at times, Jake was desperately trying to build a relationship and connect in any possible way.
 
What do we do whenever a child is trying to connect with us but in a negative way? This might take the form of hitting, swearing, or engaging in behaviour designed to shock. The key is to address the situation. Ignoring behaviour often only causes a child to escalate.

Your script

Here is  a script you can use when a child is trying to connect or seek relationship in a negative way.

"I can see that you are wanting to connect/talk with me right now,
when you are (desired behaviour) I will then come over and help you/talk with you."
 

For example, desired behaviour might be using kind words and sitting in their seat.

Crucially you must deliver on what you've just said.

All behaviour serves a function and our role as the adults and care givers in children’s lives is to establish what a child is trying to communicate to us through their behaviour.

To help with the detective process I like to use the acronym "REST".

Are they seeking a relationship/connection with us?

Do they want to escape and avoid the situation?

Are their sensory needs being met?

Do they need something tangible/physical?