Behaviour Boundaries

It was time for Maths.

Zak hated Maths.

Actually, Zak hated almost any form of schoolwork.

We would sing the hello song and from the moment we went through the timetable for the day he would start screaming ‘I DON’T WANT TO’. He would scream and throw his book across the classroom. 

Some would have you believe providing any boundaries for children with a diagnosis of Autism or ADHD is restrictive. They imply that all behaviour is okay and because of the diagnosis should be accepted. This is a controversial topic to write about and I hope you can hear what I am saying. 

At Eden we believe all behaviour is a form of communication and it is our responsibility as adults to find out what is behind the behaviour.

Does that mean all behaviour is okay? No.

All emotions are okay. All behaviours are not.

Is it okay that Zak felt overwhelmed about work and didn’t like doing school work? Yes.

Was it okay for Zak to throw his books across the classroom and scream and kick? No.

Is it okay that your child is anxious about a change in routine? Yes.

Is it okay that in this anxiety they kick and bite their little sister. No.

All emotions are okay. All behaviours are not. 

We could go into the neuroscience and childhood development stages of saying no, of challenging authority and discovering power in relationships. All of these things are healthy and vital developmental stages for a child. However at each of these stages the adult has a responsibility to guide and help a child as they learn. This can be done through helping children learn responsibility for their behaviour, to role model interactions in relationships, to act as a role model for exploration of values and ensuring safe boundaries. 

We would naturally do this for all children. So why not for our child with a diagnosis of Autism/ADHD? I would go as far to say that these children need us to help with these things more than ever. Making boundaries clear through visuals, guiding in play, role modeling interactions in relationships through a deep relationship and understanding of that child and how they see and experience the world. 

Zak hated school work. I mean what 7 year old doesn’t? Did we just say ‘"You know what, Zak is Autistic so he has enough going on." No, Zak needed extra help in understanding why. The answer "Just because" didn’t work for Zak so we had to provide more support. Visuals and social stories were put in place about why we do work in school and made sure that Zak’s had activities he really enjoyed in between each session, little bit of maths, lego, little bit of reading, lego and so on. 

Remember all emotions are okay, all behaviour isn’t. Boundaries, when done through relationship and love are important and vital for childhood development and safety for our children and remember visuals help with all forms of processing!