Eden Equips #008 A Toolkit for Childhood Grief

Grief is one of the most complex emotions and experiences our brains and bodies journey through as humans.

Sometimes we shy away from talking about it. We don’t share our stories in case we make others feel uncomfortable. We don't ask others how they are feeling in case we say the wrong thing.

Within my work I have journeyed through traumatic losses with children. During this I've learnt alot about my own emotions and how I face grief.

I want to share my favourite resource with you and some strategies you can use to help the children in your life.

Diana Crossley's Muddles, Puddles and Sunshine is simply superb. Its activities and guided conversations are an excellent resource for those coming alongside a grieving child.

It's a thoughtful gift to a grieving family. I also recommend it to teachers and other childcare professionals to develop their understanding. It provides a model that you can use in your pastoral care.

4 Tools You Can Use Right Now

1) Ask simple open-ended questions

"Tell me about one of your happiest memories with your mum."

By asking questions like this you can give child an opportunity to share memories. By simply asking a question like this you let the child know that you care and they don't need to be ashamed of their feelings.

2) Let them lead

One week all one of my boys wanted to do was talk about his mum, share memories and have a good cry. The next week we played games and talked about minecraft. Remember connection is key so build up a relationship with the young person you are supporting, do the fun things as well as the serious and take their lead when they want to talk about or not talk about things.

3) Recognise that grief looks different for every individual

To you it might be tears, to another it’s an outburst of anger and for some a total shutdown. Don’t force or rush through the stages of grief. Meet the individual where they are at and remember feelings around grief can be explosive at times.

4) Look after yourself

If you are supporting a child, young person or even your friend through grief make sure to look after yourself. I say this from a place of failure. Just before the Easter break I had been ‘powering through’ feelings I have had as it is my job to help individuals through these moments. Resulting to me in tears over something small in my personal life. Remember a dysregulated adult cannot regulate a child

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